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At-Home Strategies

Ten things to try when the moment is hard.

Real ABA strategies, written in parent-friendly language. Each one is something you can try in the next 60 seconds — not after months of training.

10 starter strategies

These are starting points, not a treatment plan. If a behavior is unsafe, getting worse, or doesn’t respond to anything you try, bring it to your BCBA or care team. Common Ground is parent support — it does not diagnose, treat, or replace clinical care.

When are you using this?

Pick the situation. We’ll show the strategies that fit.

Showing 10 of 10

First / Then

Premack Principle

Use something they want to help them do something they need.

TransitionsRefusal & power strugglesDaily routines

Pairing a non-preferred task with a preferred one makes the hard task much more likely to get started. The order matters — the "first" task always comes before the reward.

Try saying

  • "First shoes, then iPad."
  • "First brush teeth, then story."
  • "First clean up blocks, then outside."

How to try it

  1. Say it before the hard task starts.
  2. Keep it short — just two words on each side.
  3. Show a visual if possible (picture, written words, or two fingers).
  4. Follow through calmly. The reward has to actually come.
  5. Praise the first step, not just the full task.

Common mistake

Saying "First / Then" after the child is already escalated. By then it sounds like a threat, not a plan.

Catch Them Being Good

Reinforcement

The behaviors you notice are the behaviors that grow.

Daily routinesCommunicationRefusal & power struggles

Behaviors that get attention, praise, access, or success are more likely to happen again. Most parents catch the bad stuff fast and let the good stuff pass without comment — flipping that ratio is one of the single highest-leverage changes you can make.

Try saying

  • "I love how you came to the table the first time."
  • "Nice job using your words."
  • "You waited so calmly. Let's play."

How to try it

  1. Look for small wins — not perfection.
  2. Praise the exact behavior, not the child as a whole ("you cleaned up your plate" beats "good boy").
  3. Give attention quickly. Within seconds is best.
  4. Praise effort, not just outcomes.

Common mistake

Only giving attention when something goes wrong. Kids will take negative attention over no attention every time.

Give Two Good Choices

Choice-making / Antecedent strategy

A little control prevents a lot of resistance.

Refusal & power strugglesTransitionsDaily routines

Giving choices reduces resistance because the child still feels some control over what is happening. The trick is offering two options you can actually accept either way.

Try saying

  • "Do you want the blue shirt or the red shirt?"
  • "Walk to the car or hop to the car?"
  • "Brush teeth before pajamas or after pajamas?"

How to try it

  1. Offer two choices you can actually accept.
  2. Keep your voice calm and even.
  3. Avoid fake choices — both options need to be real.
  4. Praise cooperation when they pick one.

Common mistake

Offering choices when there is no real choice, like "Do you want to go to school?" Kids hear through that fast.

Make the Next Step Smaller

Task analysis / Shaping

When everything stalls, shrink the ask.

Overwhelm & shutdownRefusal & power strugglesDaily routines

Sometimes the task is too big and your child shuts down before they even start. Breaking it into the smallest possible first step gets momentum going. You can build the rest from there.

Try saying

  • Instead of "Clean your room," try "Put three toys in the bin."
  • Instead of "Get ready for bed," try "First, get pajamas."
  • Instead of "Do your homework," try "Open the folder."

How to try it

  1. Pick the smallest possible first step.
  2. Help physically if needed — that is not cheating.
  3. Praise the attempt.
  4. Build up slowly across days, not in one sitting.

Common mistake

Expecting the whole routine when the child only has the bandwidth for one step.

Use Visuals, Not Just Words

Visual supports / Prompting

Many kids do better when they can see what is happening.

TransitionsDaily routinesCommunication

For many kids — especially when they're tired, overstimulated, or stressed — a picture lands better than a sentence. Visuals also stay still while words evaporate.

Try saying

  • A First / Then board.
  • A morning routine chart with pictures.
  • A bedtime checklist they can check off.
  • A visual timer.
  • Picture choices for snack or clothes.
  • A "finished" box for completed tasks.

How to try it

  1. Use simple pictures or single words.
  2. Point to the visual while speaking — let the picture carry half the message.
  3. Keep it visible where the routine happens.
  4. Use the same visual consistently for at least a week.

Common mistake

Using too many words when the child is already overwhelmed. More language is rarely the answer in that moment.

Tell Them What To Do, Not Just What To Stop

Replacement behavior

"Stop" tells them what not to do. Teach what to do instead.

Unsafe behaviorCommunicationRefusal & power struggles

Telling a child to "stop" only names the unwanted behavior — it doesn't teach the one you want. Naming the replacement gives them something to actually do with their body and their voice.

Try saying

  • Instead of "Stop yelling," try "Use quiet voice."
  • Instead of "Don't grab," try "Ask for a turn."
  • Instead of "Stop running," try "Walking feet."

How to try it

  1. Name the replacement behavior in plain words.
  2. Model it briefly — show what walking feet looks like.
  3. Prompt it in the moment before the unwanted behavior reappears.
  4. Reinforce it immediately when you see it.

Common mistake

Correcting the behavior without teaching what should replace it. The child knows what not to do — they don't yet know what to do.

Practice When Calm

Skill-building outside the crisis

The best time to teach a hard skill is not during the hardest moment.

MeltdownsCommunicationOverwhelm & shutdown

A child can't learn a new skill while their nervous system is on fire. The work happens in the quiet stretches — short, easy practice runs that build the muscle memory you'll need later.

Try saying

  • Practice asking for a break during playtime, not during a full meltdown.
  • Practice deep breaths during story time, not in the middle of a tantrum.
  • Practice walking to the car when there's no rush, not on a hard morning.

How to try it

  1. Pick one skill at a time.
  2. Practice for 2–3 minutes when everyone is calm.
  3. Keep it easy — set them up to succeed.
  4. Reinforce immediately ("you did it — that was perfect").
  5. Reach for the skill in real moments only after several calm reps.

Common mistake

Trying to teach a new skill during escalation. The window for learning closes when stress is high.

Use a Timer for Transitions

Antecedent support

Predictable endings are easier than surprise endings.

TransitionsRefusal & power struggles

A timer makes the end of a preferred activity feel external — the iPad isn't taken away by you, the timer ended. That shifts the resistance off you and onto something neutral.

Try saying

  • "Five more minutes, then bath."
  • "When the timer rings, first bath, then story."
  • "Two minutes until we leave."

How to try it

  1. Give a warning before the timer starts.
  2. Show the timer so they can see it counting down.
  3. Pair it with First / Then ("when this rings, first X, then Y").
  4. Follow through gently but clearly — don't restart the timer.

Common mistake

Using the timer inconsistently or adding "just one more minute" repeatedly. That teaches the timer is negotiable.

Help Them Ask for a Break

Functional Communication Training (FCT)

Give them a word for the thing they're already trying to say.

MeltdownsOverwhelm & shutdownCommunicationUnsafe behavior

Some challenging behavior is the child's only available way to say "this is too much." Teaching them an easier way to ask gives that message a path that doesn't require a meltdown.

Try saying

  • "Break please."
  • "Help."
  • "All done."
  • "One more minute."
  • A break card they can hand to you.
  • Pointing to a picture of a break spot.

How to try it

  1. Teach the break request when calm, not during escalation.
  2. Prompt it before they reach overwhelm ("you look tired — say break please").
  3. Honor short breaks when possible. A 2-minute break is not a victory for the child, it's a reset.
  4. Return to the task gently after the break.

Common mistake

Making the child reach meltdown before they're allowed to escape the task. That teaches meltdown is the only thing that works.

Reduce the Demand Before It Becomes a Battle

Antecedent modification

Sometimes the fix is upstream of the behavior.

Refusal & power strugglesOverwhelm & shutdownDaily routines

Behavior happens in a context. If the same routine blows up at the same time every day, the answer is usually not "try harder in the moment" — it's "change something before the moment."

Try saying

  • Fewer instructions at once.
  • A shorter version of the task.
  • A visual schedule so they know what's coming.
  • More warning before a transition.
  • Less background noise.
  • A choice of where to sit.
  • Help starting the first step.

How to try it

  1. Notice the hardest part of the routine — when does it usually break down?
  2. Change one thing before the problem starts.
  3. Track for a few days whether it helps.
  4. Bring the pattern to your BCBA if it keeps happening.

Common mistake

Waiting until the child is already overwhelmed before changing the setup. By then the only options left are bad ones.

These ten are a starting library.

Your BCBA can help you choose which ones fit your child best — and add more that are specific to your family’s routines.

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