What we're hearing
Caregiving pressure has started entering the space where your relationship used to be.
Every conversation becomes logistics
The two of you may only talk about appointments, routines, money, behavior, and who failed to handle the next thing.
There is no recovery between conflicts
A hard night ends, the next responsibility begins, and neither person gets enough distance to repair what was said.
Love is not the same as shared capacity
Two people can care deeply about the same child and still be overwhelmed, unevenly informed, and unsure how to carry the week together.
Strain here is a care issue, not a character issue.
Pick one thing for today
One. Not a list.
Your path forward
What to bring up
Bring one pressure point instead of the entire relationship. “Therapy transport is causing the same fight every Tuesday” is specific enough to discuss without asking the care team to become a marriage counselor.
Explain whether the strain comes from unequal information, incompatible schedules, one person receiving all training, or too many home expectations. Those are care-related conditions that can sometimes be changed even when the deeper relationship work belongs elsewhere.
What kind of help to ask for
Ask whether both caregivers can attend the same training conversation so the family leaves with one explanation, one set of priorities, and clear roles. Ask what scheduling options would make joint participation realistic.
Ask whether the clinic maintains referrals to counselors who understand disability-related caregiving strain. A referral is separate from ABA care, but it can give the relationship a place where the child’s program is not the only subject in the room.
What usually changes, and how fast
A shared clinical conversation can clarify roles quickly. Changing schedules or arranging joint caregiver training may take longer, and relationship counseling follows its own timeline outside the ABA program.
Look for one concrete shift first: both adults receive the same update, one responsibility moves, or one recurring conflict gets a written plan for who handles what. Small clarity can lower pressure before the relationship feels fully repaired.
Where to go next on this site
Open Marriage & Relationships for parent-centered support that treats the relationship as worthy of care, not as a side note to services.
If home does not feel safe for you, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. Safety is different from ordinary relationship strain and deserves immediate human support.
Questions for your BCBA
Pick two. Five questions asked is none asked.
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